I Don’t Care !?!

I don’t care. There seem to be experiences, feelings, and thoughts about which, to a degree, I don’t care…. and yet, at the same time, to a degree, I do care. And, there are moments when caring and not caring appear to be present, side by side, overlapped, and paradoxically integrated. 

Before going further, the BIG news is that I was discharged from University of Michigan Hospital Cancer Center today. Whoo! Hoo! We left at around 11:30 AM and Marlene got us home by 2:30 PM. How sweet! 

While the surgery was major (liver resection and gall bladder removal), God was with us in so many ways, making this an amazingly successful process. I am still in the early stages of recovery and ask for your continued prayers dealing with nausea, fatigue, and the return of normal digestive functions. Thank you for caring about these things as Marlene and I continue on this journey. 

Now for a few thoughts about caring and not caring.

There were a couple of days when I felt so badly that I didn’t care that family members and work colleagues had driven three hours to visit me. I just wanted them to leave, and I told them so. How strange… not caring about the caring of caring family and friends. And yet, deep down, I did care but I couldn’t bring myself to accept their expressions of caring. Thank you, friends, for loving me in spite of my weakness.

Not caring, took on another face on Saturday night: this one was a beautiful and blessed surprise. I was walking the halls, doing my exercise laps. Off in the distance was the music of a group singing the hymn, “Great is Thy Faithfulness.” Was I imagining this? Was this the sound of Jesus calling me home? I had to know.

As I got closer to the music, it was coming from a patient’s room. About 10 individuals were squeezed in the room singing… nice looking people, men in suits and ties, women in finery. A young man (early 20’s) saw me, stepped out of the room, and said, “We sing to people. Would you like us to come and sing to you?” 

This hit me like a tsunami. Of course I’d love you to sing for me. (Is the Pope Catholic?). Moments later they were in my room, singing “Great is they Faithfulness” and having a word of prayer. I cried a little, sang a little, and praised God a lot. 

This is where the, “I don’t care” part comes in. On that Saturday night, I didn’t care about the denominational orientation of this group. Their historical, theological characteristics didn’t matter to me. All that mattered was that they loved Jesus and chose to minister to the sick through song and prayer. They were not like people in the churches that I’ve served and, you know, I don’t care.