I Don’t Care !?!

I don’t care. There seem to be experiences, feelings, and thoughts about which, to a degree, I don’t care…. and yet, at the same time, to a degree, I do care. And, there are moments when caring and not caring appear to be present, side by side, overlapped, and paradoxically integrated. 

Before going further, the BIG news is that I was discharged from University of Michigan Hospital Cancer Center today. Whoo! Hoo! We left at around 11:30 AM and Marlene got us home by 2:30 PM. How sweet! 

While the surgery was major (liver resection and gall bladder removal), God was with us in so many ways, making this an amazingly successful process. I am still in the early stages of recovery and ask for your continued prayers dealing with nausea, fatigue, and the return of normal digestive functions. Thank you for caring about these things as Marlene and I continue on this journey. 

Now for a few thoughts about caring and not caring.

There were a couple of days when I felt so badly that I didn’t care that family members and work colleagues had driven three hours to visit me. I just wanted them to leave, and I told them so. How strange… not caring about the caring of caring family and friends. And yet, deep down, I did care but I couldn’t bring myself to accept their expressions of caring. Thank you, friends, for loving me in spite of my weakness.

Not caring, took on another face on Saturday night: this one was a beautiful and blessed surprise. I was walking the halls, doing my exercise laps. Off in the distance was the music of a group singing the hymn, “Great is Thy Faithfulness.” Was I imagining this? Was this the sound of Jesus calling me home? I had to know.

As I got closer to the music, it was coming from a patient’s room. About 10 individuals were squeezed in the room singing… nice looking people, men in suits and ties, women in finery. A young man (early 20’s) saw me, stepped out of the room, and said, “We sing to people. Would you like us to come and sing to you?” 

This hit me like a tsunami. Of course I’d love you to sing for me. (Is the Pope Catholic?). Moments later they were in my room, singing “Great is they Faithfulness” and having a word of prayer. I cried a little, sang a little, and praised God a lot. 

This is where the, “I don’t care” part comes in. On that Saturday night, I didn’t care about the denominational orientation of this group. Their historical, theological characteristics didn’t matter to me. All that mattered was that they loved Jesus and chose to minister to the sick through song and prayer. They were not like people in the churches that I’ve served and, you know, I don’t care.

He Did Good

The doctor's first words to Marlene and Stephen were, "He did good."  We know that God guided the surgery and the "good" is also in response to the prayers of many.

The surgeon reported that the spot on the liver way very small, so small that he would have missed it if he hadn't known it was there. The tissue surrounding the spot was all healthy, and an ultrasound of the liver and the rest of the abdomen revealed no additional concerns. The gall bladder was also removed. The previous colon incision showed no scar tissue to cause bowel blockage.  

I am already up and walking and freely moving from bed to chair. Pain is very minimal. I am sleeping well and have started on clear liquids.

Many thanks for your continued encouragement and prayers. God did good.

Ann Arbor and the Promised Land

We now have specific information about my upcoming surgery this coming Monday, the 15th. Our schedule looks like this:

11:30 AM – Check-in at the University of Michigan Cancer Center,

1:30 PM – Surgery for removal of spot on the liver and removal of the gall bladder.

This is a new experience for us. It feels very different to be going out of town for surgery. This is likely because of our lack of familiarity with Ann Arbor and being hours away from supportive family and friends. Our son Stephen will be in the waiting room with Marlene during the surgery. While I’m in the hospital, Marlene is staying at a nearby hotel that provides shuttle service to and from the Cancer Center.

When thinking about going to a new place, I am reminded of the story in Numbers 13. Moses sends twelve spies to explore the promised land of Canaan. When the spies return, all agree that it is a land of milk and honey, a beautiful and bountiful place. However, they are significantly divided in whether or not to possess the land.

Most of the spies said no: “We can’t attack those people; they are stronger than we are… all the people we saw there are of great size… we seemed like grasshoppers” (31-33). Caleb said, yes we can, or in his words, “We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it” (30).

The story of the spies and the Promised Land reminds me that there are contrasting ways of viewing the challenges that are before us. We can approach these situations from the perspective of fear or of faith. We can see opposition or opportunity. Put me down as a faithful follower of Jesus who is looking forward to a new opportunity for healing and strength.

Many thanks to all who read this for your continued encouragement and prayers.

Working the Plan

This week involved two significant meetings with doctors. The first was on Tuesday, June 2 with Dr. Batts, our oncologist in Holland. We will not be doing anything further with chemotherapy until after liver surgery, and then it is anticipated that the chemo mixture will be adjusted. 

The second meeting was yesterday, June 4 with Dr. Nathan, the surgeon at University of Michigan Cancer Center. We have scheduled surgery (removal of a small spot of colon cancer on the liver, as well as removal of the gall bladder) for Monday, June 15 at 10:45 am. This will involve a 5 -8 day stay at the hospital in Ann Arbor.

The plan between now and June 15 is for me to exercise, eat well, rest, and generally build up strength in preparation for the surgery. Talking about eating well, when in Ann Arbor, you should visit Zingermans Deli (422 Detroit Street). They have some of the world’s best sandwiches. We had a Ruben, described as “voted as best in the nation.” It is without peer.

It is wonderful to begin enjoying food again. My taste for Starbucks is also coming back (What would they do without me?!).

This blog seems to be lacking in drama. Perhaps my situation, at this stage, is referred to by the medical community as “unremarkable.” Nonetheless, what I am experiencing is remarkable. And it includes:
 -A closer walk with God through Jesus Christ, the Great Physician.
 -Deeper relationships with family and friends. Marlene and I celebrate our 49th anniversary on June 9. Our love for one another has grown in ways that were previously unimagined.
 -Having a greater understanding of what it means to live one day at a time.
 -Appreciation for colleagues who have stepped up to cover areas of responsibility with Church Leadership Center.
 -Many evidences of progress and a plan, God willing, for becoming cancer free.