Family Matters

One of the joys of my job is to conduct assessment interviews for Commissioned Pastor applicants and other Leadership Development candidates. It is inspiring to hear so many stories relating how God calls people to follow Him and forms them to live out that call. There are, however, challenges that often show up in many of those stories. It seems that many of those who grew up in the homes of pastors and other Christian leaders share unique struggles. A Barna survey asked pastors why they think their children often struggle in the development of their personal faith, here is how these pastors answered.  -28 % Unrealistic expectations others place on them  -18% Exposure to the negative aspects of the church  -17% Pastor is too busy for them  -14% Faith is not modeled consistently at home While there are no simple formulas or easy advice for making family life less challenging for families of ministry leaders, here are two important basic guidelines to keep in mind. Be Real: Too often, there has been a discrepancy between who the pastor is as a church leader and who he or she is as a private person and family member. In public, the pastor knows how to do and say all the right things, but at home another side becomes evident. The pastor's spouse and children see who he or she really is, and when there is an obvious contradiction, the results can be tragic. God replaced King Saul with David for this very reason. As pastors, we would do well to remember that "to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams;" and that people may "look on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart."* Service in the church and public reputation are no substitute for personal integrity and authentic holiness. Be There: One pastor's kid (PK) expressed the peril this way: "One of the biggest reasons PKs get so rebellious is that they don't really have a dad – they have a live-in, full-time pastor who treats his kids more like a member of his congregation."** Other PKs would say that they'd settle for being treated like a member of the congregation, so that they would at least get some parental attention instead of being completely overlooked. The Bible is clear that there is no pastoral priority higher than one's own family: "For if someone does not know how to manage his own household well, how can he take care of God's church?" (1 Timothy 3:5). The good news is that the people I talked to are still following Jesus! In spite of what might have been missing in their parents' lives, these emerging leaders have hung on to the good things they were taught, and they are seeking to serve God in ministry and in their homes. Our mission at Church Leadership Center is to support them in their personal and professional development, and we invite you to join us in this awesome calling. Church Leadership Center works in partnership with pastors, churches, and other ministry groups to prepare congregational leaders for advanced levels of service. We do this by means of assessment interviews and reports; personalized training plans, classes, and certification so that participants are able to increase their effectiveness in all areas of church life. Click here for more information. To view videos about Commissioned Pastors and those who support them, click here. To read previous blogs, click here. *1 Samuel **Scott Thomas, Hey, You're a Pastor's Kid – Why Aren't You Crazy? www.churchplanting.com This article was written by Mark Veldt, Ph.D. He is a Leadership Development Specialist with Church Leadership Center and may be contacted at veldtmark@gmail.com